To be completely honest, I don't think I could answer the question of what three words best describe me. People are not three things. They are rage full yet loving, impatient but usually kind. That question is like asking what three colors best describe ever color in the world. Maybe you'd be tempted to choose the primary colors, but try for a moment to imagine green having only blue and yellow. It can't be done.
Three words. I have no idea. This should be rather simple, it isn't asking for much. Three things, to be exact. Four if you count the explanation, which I don't. With all of the writing we have been doing about ourselves, you'd think this would be rather easy for me to do. I write about myself every day. But I truly don't think I could describe myself in three words. Maybe this seems like taking the easy way out; not answering. Maybe it actually is. Maybe that's exactly what I'm doing.
Very, very uncomfortable. I'm never truly relaxed (unless I'm sleeping, I suppose). It comes with the anxiety disorder. I'm twitchy, nervous, and I cannot sit still for even a second. I've learned to make my movements small, not distracting, but they still plague me. Spinning my ring on my finger, tugging on my hair, my crazy leg twitch. I need to be expending energy at all times, even if in the smallest way possible.
I'm too crooked (for this world.) Sometimes I feel like the circle fitting inside a square, or a dog without four legs. This world is meant for people who can live subconsciously, who can think without judging their own thoughts. I am defined by my own intertwining within myself. My existence has no identity; rather, I am a series of thoughts inside thoughts that are too twisted to ever leave my mouth. And how am I supposed to live in this Universe if I can't even talk?
Find your own meaning in this, but I wonder if the world really does end when you watch it slip away with a few words. Not in bursts of fire, aligning planets, giant asteroids, continental earthquakes, nor rising sea levels but in a group of letters. It's not hell's wrath, not god's army versus satan's, but those words against my mind. The world ends with a broken heart. A shattered dream. A deep nightmare. A cold, morning sweat. Tears streaking, puddles of love lost form. If the world is over, what point is there to getting up? Don't get up, don't do that.
We are sloth, inherently sinful in nature. We who carry the Miner name We who receive plaudits for the absence of effort. She hates us, because we are idle. The mother screams and we respond in false silence. We are gluttonous, we live to excess. We who carry the Miner name We lack control, but are enduring. She is like us, she understands us. I’m sloth, but work not to be idle. I’m Gluttonous, but fight the urge with misinformed wisdom. I’m compassionate, but am conceited to say so. I carry the Miner name. This is our truth. This is our state. This is my purpose.
Please excuse the profanity, and afford me the opportunity to elucidate. While I wrote these three words partly in jest and partly in a dearth of willpower to do otherwise, I think that a good case can be made that these words do indeed describe me, both in terms of actual meaning and modern day semantics. Picture, if you will, a lone traveler in terra incognita. He glances up from his paltry map, and, not recognizing any landmarks, exclaims "What the duck!" This is me. I'm not sure where I am in life. I'm not sure where I'm going. My map is crummy, or nonexistent. In today's texting-dominated era, where textual space is at a premium and concision is paramount, WTF has come to show a whole range of emotion. Upon viewing a video of a drugged out pop star, one might say "wtf?" in quiet disgust. One might observe a strange dance or movie or piece of music and say "wtf?" with cynical criticism. When shown something absolutely bizarre, one might inquire "wtf?" in an effort to get some understanding. This is the mindset with which I approach life: cynical, judgmental, and wondering. I rest my case. Sorry again, Laura!
δόξα (doxa) - This is the attic greek word that has a very complex translation. It seems to be more of a complex idea than just a single word. In ancient times, a person's δόξα was their reputation, their personal identity, their reputation, their common belief, their expectation, their glory. If you looked it up in a lexicon, it would read: δόξα - expectation, belief, reputation, glory. Four whole english words to describe the idea the greeks could do in one! It's whopper of a word though... I take δόξα in a very personal sense, my personal expectations and standards for myself are very high, and I tend to hold them very close. My reputation, I hope, is one of love and vivaciousness. As for the translation of δόξα meaning "belief", the belief I hold of myself is that I have the means and intention to bring all beings around me to a better place, so that one day all beings may know peace. This is my δόξα, my personal glory.
ἀφιλόκαλος (a-pee-loh-kah-los) This word means "without love for beauty", it begins with alpha, the prefix meaning "not" or "without" (ex. atonal, atheist, apathy). The root is φιλός, meaning love. The ending is καλος, meaning "beautiful, noble, good". The word ἀφιλόκαλος means a lot to me because a life lived ἀφιλόκαλος, literally a life lived without love for beauty, is a life completely wasted. Beauty is all around us. The word ἀφιλόκαλος reminds me constantly what my life means. I refuse to live a life without love for beauty, the trees in the winter, still standing, that's beautiful. A smile on a friends face when you see them again, that's beauty. ἀφιλόκαλος, I am nothing. Without love for beauty, I am nothing.... That's what the word means to me.
Festival (fess-ti-val) - the English word for celebration. Here, I will live up to my δόξα and state that in order to avoid living a life ἀφιλόκαλος, celebration of the little things in life is needed. Wherever I am, I try to find a little festival in everything.
To be completely honest, I don't think I could answer the question of what three words best describe me. People are not three things. They are rage full yet loving, impatient but usually kind. That question is like asking what three colors best describe ever color in the world. Maybe you'd be tempted to choose the primary colors, but try for a moment to imagine green having only blue and yellow. It can't be done.
ReplyDeleteElla, your point is a good one, and is articulated really well. It's funny how we are all so full of contradictions....
DeleteThree words. I have no idea. This should be rather simple, it isn't asking for much. Three things, to be exact. Four if you count the explanation, which I don't. With all of the writing we have been doing about ourselves, you'd think this would be rather easy for me to do. I write about myself every day. But I truly don't think I could describe myself in three words. Maybe this seems like taking the easy way out; not answering. Maybe it actually is. Maybe that's exactly what I'm doing.
ReplyDeleteVery, very uncomfortable. I'm never truly relaxed (unless I'm sleeping, I suppose). It comes with the anxiety disorder. I'm twitchy, nervous, and I cannot sit still for even a second. I've learned to make my movements small, not distracting, but they still plague me. Spinning my ring on my finger, tugging on my hair, my crazy leg twitch. I need to be expending energy at all times, even if in the smallest way possible.
ReplyDeleteI'm too crooked (for this world.) Sometimes I feel like the circle fitting inside a square, or a dog without four legs. This world is meant for people who can live subconsciously, who can think without judging their own thoughts. I am defined by my own intertwining within myself. My existence has no identity; rather, I am a series of thoughts inside thoughts that are too twisted to ever leave my mouth. And how am I supposed to live in this Universe if I can't even talk?
ReplyDeleteFind your own meaning in this, but I wonder if the world really does end when you watch it slip away with a few words. Not in bursts of fire, aligning planets, giant asteroids, continental earthquakes, nor rising sea levels but in a group of letters. It's not hell's wrath, not god's army versus satan's, but those words against my mind. The world ends with a broken heart. A shattered dream. A deep nightmare. A cold, morning sweat. Tears streaking, puddles of love lost form. If the world is over, what point is there to getting up? Don't get up, don't do that.
ReplyDeleteSloth, gluttony and compassion.
ReplyDeleteWe are sloth, inherently sinful in nature.
We who carry the Miner name
We who receive plaudits for the absence of effort.
She hates us, because we are idle.
The mother screams and we respond in false silence.
We are gluttonous, we live to excess.
We who carry the Miner name
We lack control, but are enduring.
She is like us, she understands us.
I’m sloth, but work not to be idle.
I’m Gluttonous, but fight the urge with misinformed wisdom.
I’m compassionate, but am conceited to say so.
I carry the Miner name.
This is our truth.
This is our state.
This is my purpose.
Please excuse the profanity, and afford me the opportunity to elucidate. While I wrote these three words partly in jest and partly in a dearth of willpower to do otherwise, I think that a good case can be made that these words do indeed describe me, both in terms of actual meaning and modern day semantics.
ReplyDeletePicture, if you will, a lone traveler in terra incognita. He glances up from his paltry map, and, not recognizing any landmarks, exclaims "What the duck!"
This is me. I'm not sure where I am in life. I'm not sure where I'm going. My map is crummy, or nonexistent.
In today's texting-dominated era, where textual space is at a premium and concision is paramount, WTF has come to show a whole range of emotion. Upon viewing a video of a drugged out pop star, one might say "wtf?" in quiet disgust. One might observe a strange dance or movie or piece of music and say "wtf?" with cynical criticism. When shown something absolutely bizarre, one might inquire "wtf?" in an effort to get some understanding. This is the mindset with which I approach life: cynical, judgmental, and wondering. I rest my case. Sorry again, Laura!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteδόξα
ReplyDelete(doxa) - This is the attic greek word that has a very complex translation. It seems to be more of a complex idea than just a single word. In ancient times, a person's δόξα was their reputation, their personal identity, their reputation, their common belief, their expectation, their glory. If you looked it up in a lexicon, it would read: δόξα - expectation, belief, reputation, glory. Four whole english words to describe the idea the greeks could do in one! It's whopper of a word though... I take δόξα in a very personal sense, my personal expectations and standards for myself are very high, and I tend to hold them very close. My reputation, I hope, is one of love and vivaciousness. As for the translation of δόξα meaning "belief", the belief I hold of myself is that I have the means and intention to bring all beings around me to a better place, so that one day all beings may know peace. This is my δόξα, my personal glory.
ἀφιλόκαλος
(a-pee-loh-kah-los)
This word means "without love for beauty", it begins with alpha, the prefix meaning "not" or "without" (ex. atonal, atheist, apathy). The root is φιλός, meaning love. The ending is καλος, meaning "beautiful, noble, good". The word ἀφιλόκαλος means a lot to me because a life lived ἀφιλόκαλος, literally a life lived without love for beauty, is a life completely wasted. Beauty is all around us. The word ἀφιλόκαλος reminds me constantly what my life means. I refuse to live a life without love for beauty, the trees in the winter, still standing, that's beautiful. A smile on a friends face when you see them again, that's beauty.
ἀφιλόκαλος, I am nothing. Without love for beauty, I am nothing.... That's what the word means to me.
Festival
(fess-ti-val) - the English word for celebration.
Here, I will live up to my δόξα and state that in order to avoid living a life ἀφιλόκαλος, celebration of the little things in life is needed. Wherever I am, I try to find a little festival in everything.